Self-Acceptance (from J. Chittister)

You love those who search for truth.
In wisdom, center me, for you
know my frailty. Psalm 51
 

The dictum "Know thyself," which appeared at the shrine of the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi in sixth-century BC Greece, is one of the oldest directives in Western philosophy. It's good advice. We so often project onto other people the tendencies we fail to recognize in ourselves. In our time, however, the concern is as much about self-esteem as it is about self-knowledge. Both positions are valuable. But both of them are insufficient, I think.

Self-knowledge gives us perspective and self-esteem gives us confidence, but it's self-acceptance that gives us peace of heart. It implies, of course, that I know myself and value myself. Yet, unless I can simply start by accepting myself, it is possible that neither of the other two dimensions can ever come to life in me. Clearly, even if I know who I am, even if I admit the truth about myself, if I don't accept what I see there, I can never really value it. Worse, I'll live in fear that someone else will see to the core of me and reject me, too.

But, the psalmist teaches us, that's precisely where the God who birthed us, our loving Mother God, becomes the mainstay, not the menace, of our lives. God knows exactly who we are. God knows our frailty. And God accepts it. And gathers it in. God loves us, not despite it, but because of it, because of the effort it implies and the trust it demands. There is glory in the clay of us. There is beauty in becoming. The static notion of life, the idea that we can become something and stay that way, is a false one. We face newness all our lives. We search all our days for truth. And God loves us for the seeking. What we need is not perfection. What we need is a center that stabilizes us in times of change, in us as well as around us.

Soul Points…
• "In wisdom, center me," the psalmist has us pray. Everybody is centered in something. In each of us there is that internal magnet that guides our decisions and occupies our thoughts. For some it's fear; for others it's ambition; for many it's social acceptance; for a portion of humanity it's independence; for real unfortunates it's perfection of one kind or another. When the internal lodestone is wisdom, however, we are able to take life as it is and just be happy that we learned from it instead of being crushed by it.

• Anyone who says they want to be young again is either a fool or a liar. In the first place, that period was no easier than this one. Oftentimes harder, in fact. In the second place, the task of that time was to bring us to this one. There is something in the now for us that will make the future even better if we can just keep moving toward it. Don't stop living just because life isn't perfect.

• I write my life in my own blood. Anything else is sham. When I hurt, I'll know what hurt is all about. When I fail, I'll find out what survival is all about. When I love, I'll come to know what selflessness is all about. And when we know those things, we will be both wise and fully alive.

A wisdom story from Anthony de Mello, S.J.…
 
I was a neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and selfish. And everyone kept telling me to change. And everyone kept telling me how neurotic I was. And I resented them, and I agreed with them, and I wanted to change, but I just couldn't bring myself to change, no matter how hard I tried. What hurt the most was that my best friend also kept telling me how neurotic I was. He too kept insisting that I change. And I agreed with him too, though I couldn't bring myself to resent him. And I felt so powerless and so trapped. Then one day he said to me, "Don't change. Stay as you are. It really doesn't matter whether you change or not. I love you just as you are; I cannot help loving you." These words sounded like music to my ears: "Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. I love you." And I relaxed. And I came alive. And, oh wondrous marvel, I changed. The Song of the Bird